readers write: second series




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Date: Tue, 06 Apr 1999 10:22:58 -0700
Subject: Tale 308

: "I can wait"? No, I don't do much of that.

Of course not. Waiting is being elsewhere/when.

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Date: Mon, 5 Apr 1999 10:45:48 -1000 (HST)
:: One of the few things about having a room and a bed
:: that I really miss is sleeping without any [clothes] on.
:
: next to [the Sleeptalker]?

Please. Trying not to think of him.

Date: Mon, 5 Apr 1999 15:01:24 -1000 (HST)
: him in general or him NAKED?

In general, but especially NAKED!

Date: Mon, 5 Apr 1999 15:29:02 -1000 (HST)
Actually, I've never seen him totally naked. But I've been shown IT a couple of times.

Stop this. I don't want to think about him.

Date: Mon, 5 Apr 1999 18:23:00 -1000 (HST)

: his nose?

Not nearly as long.

: who are we talking about?

Absolutely no idea. Can't remember at all.

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Date: Thu, 25 Mar 1999 06:52:17 -0800
Subject: Tale 303

:Despite being a generally neat, tidy youngster who got
:consistently good grades in school and very rarely got
:into any trouble, I was "bad"

Yep, they had me going for a long while too - my mother had to take tranquilizers to talk to my teachers. Turns out my mother had to take tranquilizers to talk to authority figures of any sort, had nothing to do with how bad I was.

:Sorry, I woke up.

Whew!

Better to question everything.

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Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 09:36:05 -1000 (HST)
[Re: Gods and Monsters]

:: Geee I didn't know you directed horror movies.
:
: I think the clinical term here is paranoia. Delusions of
: grandeur, a classic symptom. [g]

Remember, he hadn't directed a film for decades. That he was once a film director was basically irrelevant. He was an artist, an old man with a death wish and a fondness for beautiful male bodies. What's not to identify with?

: Yes, when I saw the film I figured Albert would see the
: similarities and ignore the differences, between the
: relationship between those two men and him and his "plate du
: jour." I think the differences predominate, but Albert won't
: be convinced otherwise, I'm sure.

It was not the "plate du jour" (a five-month "jour") who was most in mind but a young Englishman named A* who posed for me in 1987, stormed out of the place one day, just like in the film. Returned, just like in the film.

But of course, the "I'm not that way" dialogue between the two in the film was an almost exact copy of one I had with the Sleeptalker.

And Margaret did sometimes refer to herself as a "goose". [g]

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Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 09:37:41 -1000 (HST)

: It's a pleasant fantasy, to imagine having a portion of your
: life play out like a scene in a movie. But it doesn't happen
: that way, not often, and the harder we try to make it happen
: the less likely it is to happen. (Heidelberg's uncertainty
: principle, or something like that. Deb the scientist can
: explain it better.)

Perhaps. But the point is not one of trying to make it happen. It happened already and was thus an exercise in nostalgia.

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Subject: happy daze...

I liked your answer to my question about "happy?" My preference is for what you call the state of a "daze". I try to achieve that whenever possible, esp. when on vacation. Insights come more clearly then.

You might (briefly) ponder the concept that the ancients walked around in such a "daze" or trance state, seeking messages from the gods. They claimed to speak with the deities, and also heard from the Great Beyond. Today, that behavior would be considered florid untreated schizophrenia. Psst -- don't tell on me, and I won't tell on you, ok? [ggg]

The subconscious has great power, and must be constantly fed in order for the creative processes to function well. Perhaps the "vacuum" you are experiencing is a lack of new information for your subconscious. Maybe a change of scene - or reading material - would do you well. Take da Bus to Waialua or other points on the North Shore, launch into a new genre of reading material, whatevah...

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:I've had periods in my life before when I used alcohol heavily
:and never experienced this present difficulty when moving out
:of them, so it puzzles me a little.

Well, how long were those periods? You've used heavily for as long as i've known you - years now - so your body is pretty adjusted to having it.

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:Well, how long were those periods?

Uh-huh, you've got a point there. Four years (easily marked by the opening of GB) is a long time of almost-always-daily consumption.

Not too sure a pattern of a couple of days abstinence followed by a bender is healthier than a smaller, daily fix though ... and no doubt about it, I don't want to stop altogether.

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: You say you feel the sense of a vacuum within you, which
: might have been occupied by a sense of Adventure. With
: what should that vacuum be filled? According to what
: criteria?

Or need it be filled at all? Perhaps it *belongs* there?

It gives me a very uneasy feeling because I've never felt anything quite like it before ... although that, too, may be a blessing I'm just not yet understanding or appreciating.

I spend a lot of time just walking around in something of a daze, feeling I should be doing something but at the same time still holding to the notion that it is losing just that feeling which is at the very foundation of this lifestyle.

I think it is only going to become more exaggerated as "the Sleeptalker" begins to fade as central icon.

It may be an interesting spring ...

My thought right now is that, as I wrote, perhaps I should just wait and see what Nature fills it with. (Who claimed Nature abhors vacuums anyway?)

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the tales